Hello. My name is McJix, and I am here to tell you all about a growing trend in Summoner's Rift matches: summoning while under the influence. Please continue reading so you can learn how this problem could affect you, what it looks like, and what you can do to help prevent needless losses and champion deaths in the future.
Every day, thousands of champions are controlled by summoners who are unfit to play, causing many unnecessary deaths; the common culprits are alcohol and marijuana. While these drugs are regulated outside Fields of Justice, many summoners are able to consume these substances in their private chambers – thus rendering them unable to perform his or her duties adequately when his or her presence is requested for an upcoming match.
Partaking in such activities are normally harmless when done by a responsible summoner. However, less responsible summoners will often queue for a ranked game when unfit to control a champion. These champions are, unfortunately, often subjected to unnecessary deaths. While the damage to the champion is repaired, the emotional wellbeing of others matched with the unfit summoner are not so easily respawned in the same manner. A summoner who was in his promotion to Gold V promotion matches came to me to tell his story. He wished to remain anonymous.
"In the lobby, this summoner immediately locked in. He told us all that he was 'like, totally high, man' and that it would be okay. It was an easy win. The others and I doubted, but we didn't want to take the risk of leaving the lobby. Maybe we could win anyway. Maybe this summoner actually did become better at the game after smoking a joint. I mean, I've won worse games..."
But they were wrong. The game immediately went downhill with first blood at two minutes in. To continue with this summoner's tragic story:
"He... he just wouldn't dodge Thresh's hook. It was so obvious. It was so obvious that it happened three times in the same way. But he let his champion die again... and again. With a 50 creep score deficit and four levels below everyone else, he forced his champion to forever push bot lane, only to die more. I never wanted to lose a game so quickly in my entire career!"
The summoner under the influence of marijuana, who will remain anonymous to protect his identity, only had this to say on the manner:
"reprot junglr noob no ganks"
This summoner then left his summoning chamber at the twenty minute mark to go buy a bag of Doritos.
The summoner in question was reported by the other nine summoners after the game, hoping that the tribunal will surely bring the summoner to justice. However, the damage was already done: four summoners were saddled with a preventable loss, one of which failed his promotion to Gold V. This summoner came to me afterwards, requesting me to make a public service announcement.
So remember: if you drink or smoke weed, don't play ranked. Play ARAM or Normals instead.
Additionally, if you would like to prevent more unnecessary champion deaths, please donate to Mothers Against Drunk Summoners, or MADS. Since the year 5 CLE, MADS has prevented over 150 thousand deaths. Even a donation of one gold will help their cause.
Thank you for your attention, fellow summoners.