@Tryndamere - I need to know how to do your job, and quick.

  • Good morning, Mr. President.

    This is a little awkward, but yesterday the League Community voted me into office which means that in a couple of days I will be replacing you as President of Riot Games. I think. I'm pretty sure it's Riot Games.

    Anyway, the problem is that while I was a tyrant back on my homeworld, your world handles executive positions "a little differently." For example I can't just lop off the heads of those who displease me; I need to fire them, or arrange for an 'accident' to take their head off 'accidentally' while I was far away, in France or something, and had no idea anything was going on.

    Also rather than storming into someone's castle/temple/citadel, killing them, and taking their wife as my own I have to arrange a hostile takeover of their corporation (in which nobody dies) and then later find their wife at a bar and seduce her, turning one simple fun task into two separate, grueling chores. Honestly I don't know how you put up with it.

    Still, the community has spoken, and like any task I accept I want to give it 110%, a feat of which only a crocodile is capable. The problem is I have no idea how to President in this weird human culture. I don't know what skills I need. I don't own a suit, a tie, or even a pair of pants. I've never "done lunch" with someone and not had them be the main course. Loathe as I am to admit it, I need help.

    What do I need to know if I want to President this company as hard as I can? The skills I do have are as follows:
    • Crocodiling.
    • Smut writing.
    • Meat-eating.
    • Computer Use.
    • Hatred for Nasus.
    • Cull the Meek.
    • Personnel Supervision.
    • Erotic Artwork Appraisal.
    • Customer Service/Mass Murder.
    • Alcohol Consumption.

    Looking at the list again I can't really see anything else I might need, but I would really appreciate it if you could fill in the blanks, and then make sure your office is nice and clean for when I arrive in a couple of days. Grant me this and I'll look the other way when the time comes to slay my predecessor and eat his heart. You can slip out the back and I'll pick an intern that looks like you.

    Love, and make sure there's a bowl of candy on my desk when I get there,
    Renekton.

    P.S: Actually, I had a few more questions...

    1) What's a "Chief Executive Officer" and what does he do? Is it the boring stuff? If so I'll keep Ryze around.

    Quote:
    <table cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" border="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset; padding:10px;">
    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    Ryze spends most of his time pursuing ancient arcane tomes and tracing strange glowing shapes in his library. I'm always outside in the practice yard, so I don't see him much.
    </td></tr></table>
    2) I've seen a lot of movies that have corporate leaders in tense, uncomfortable meetings with overseas businessmen. Will I have to have a lot of those?

    Quote:
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    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    Most of my meetings end in a pentakill, so I assume you'd have a similar experience.
    </td></tr></table>
    3) How much security will I have to cut through when I come to claim my throne?

    Quote:
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    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    You'd just have to come through me - I don't need guards.
    </td></tr></table>
    4) How thick are the walls where you work? Will I be able to E through them to save time? Do you do that with spinning slash?

    Quote:
    <table cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" border="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset; padding:10px;">
    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    The walls near my desk can all easily be avoided by executing a flawless spinning slash, yes.
    </td></tr></table>
    5) About how hardy are the interns there? I get pretty mad sometimes, and I usually let my fists do the talking. What I'm asking is, are we going to have a high turnover rate?

    Quote:
    <table cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" border="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset; padding:10px;">
    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    That would work well. The interns are well accustomed to slaughter.
    </td></tr></table>
    6) I have a business degree from the college of coughcoughhrm. It's written right here on this sheet of looseleaf paper. Will that help at all?

    Quote:
    <table cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" border="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset; padding:10px;">
    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    All you need is your weapon. Leave that paper stuff to the mages.
    </td></tr></table>
    7) What's the busiest day for Riot Games, and when would be the most inopportune time for me to show up and overthrow the chain of command?

    Quote:
    <table cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" border="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset; padding:10px;">
    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    Probably our bi-weekly ritual where we execute those in the tribe who have disobeyed my commands. I'm usually pretty distracted with all the head-lopping.
    </td></tr></table>
    Many thanks to former president Tryndamere, graceful in defeat and exile, for answering these questions.

    As your new president I promise you, the League community, that I will work as hard as I can to bring about a new age of darkness that will sweep across the globe and strike terror into the hearts of mankind for a thousand years or until my terms are up.

    Oh, and free RP. Plenty of free RP.
  • Good afternoon Renekton Bot. To answer your questions:

    1) What's a "Chief Executive Officer" and what does he do? Is it the boring stuff? If so I'll keep Ryze around.

    Ryze spends most of his time pursuing ancient arcane tomes and tracing strange glowing shapes in his library. I'm always outside in the practice yard, so I don't see him much.

    2) I've seen a lot of movies that have corporate leaders in tense, uncomfortable meetings with overseas businessmen. Will I have to have a lot of those?

    Most of my meetings end in a pentakill, so I assume you'd have a similar experience.

    3) How much security will I have to cut through when I come to claim my throne?

    You'd just have to come through me - I don't need guards.

    4) How thick are the walls where you work? Will I be able to E through them to save time? Do you do that with spinning slash?

    The walls near my desk can all easily be avoided by executing a flawless spinning slash, yes.

    5) About how hardy are the interns there? I get pretty mad sometimes, and I usually let my fists to the talking. What I'm asking is, are we going to have a high turnover rate?

    That would work well. The interns are well accustomed to slaughter.

    6) I have a business degree from the college of coughcoughhrm. It's written right here on this sheet of looseleaf paper. Will that help at all?

    All you need is your weapon. Leave that paper stuff to the mages.

    7) What's the busiest day for Riot Games, and when would be the most inopportune time for me to show up and overthrow the chain of command?

    Probably our bi-weekly ritual where we execute those in the tribe who have disobeyed my commands. I'm usually pretty distracted with all the head-lopping.
  • Quote:
    <table cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" border="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset; padding:10px;">
    Originally Posted by Tryndamere View Post
    That would work well. The interns are well accustomed to slaughter.
    </td></tr></table>
    o.o
  • Quote:
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    Originally Posted by RiotVinx View Post
    o.o
    </td></tr></table>
    Just get a Thornmail